I'm Still Here
by MirrorSparkles1234
Summary: How did Serena cope after Edward cheated and left?
1. Chapter 1

**Been a bit of a down day rain, rain and more rain and I'm in weird mood ha. So this just came to me but review anyway to see what you think. I can imagine Ed leaving had a bad effect we might even get more background during the series ha.**

Serena's mother had had enough she needed to become close to her daughter again, fair enough Edward had left her but a one year old doesn't understand what this had done to her mother and Serena needed to step up. So Adrienne came back from looking after Eleanor and left her in the house knowing Serena would come down at one time.

Serena walked down the stairs to find Eleanor in her pram, "Mum?" Serena called she had gone to work came home and went straight to bed by the looks of things, "Mum?" When there was no reply she stepped downstairs and ignored Eleanor she wasn't doing it on purpose, she just felt she couldn't look after her at the moment and that she would be better off with her grandmother.

Adrienne was sat with two of Serena's colleagues, "Do you think this will work?" James asked.

"It'll have too," Amelia said, "She can't keep doing this… it's not fair on Adrienne and it's hardly settling for Ellie."

"It's not that she can't shut her daughter out," Adrienne said, "Do you think I want to do this?" Adrienne asked, "But if we don't she's not going to learn."

The three sat and waited hoping Serena would come to her senses. Thunder rumbled and lightning clashed outside, Serena walked into the kitchen and tried to block out the cries of her terrified daughter. She sunk to the ground and blocked her ears, "Shut up!"

Adrienne's heart was breaking hearing the cries was bad enough, "Serena please," Adrienne had her fingers crossed, "Please."

James and Amelia had their fingers crossed too and as the thunder rumbled and lightning flashed again it was clear that nothing was being done, "I'm going over there," James said.

"NO!" Adrienne shouted, "Not this time."

"Your granddaughter is terrified," Amelia recognized the terrified cry tone and stood up, "James is right."

"No please," Adrienne said, "I'm not having her block out her daughter forever."

"This is all because of your best mate," Amelia said rudely, "I know he's your mate but he's done wrong."

Half an hour passed and Eleanor was still crying her cheeks red from crying, tears tracks were clear on her face and she looked terrified. Serena went into the lounge and sat on the sofa, "Just shut up!"

Eleanor carried on crying and back inside the other house Adrienne was in tears, "Oh Adrienne," Amelia said and she gave her a hug, "She'll do this."

"We hope," James said, "It's been half an hour."

Serena was walking around the living room trying to block the noise out, she even turned up the television, but her brain couldn't block out the cries of her daughter. She walked over to the pram and knelt down beside it crying, "Please stop crying… for mummy."

Hearing her mother's voice made Eleanor's cries die down she held out her tiny hand.

"Listen," Amelia said, "She's gone quiet."

Eleanor stopped crying but she still looked terrified, her big eyes filled with tears and terror Serena looked at her daughter, a sudden feeling of guilt shot through her and decided to finally hold her. She picked her up, "I'm sorry," Serena said to her through tears, "I'm sorry."

"Oh my god," James said happily, "Listen."

"I'm here," Serena comforted her daughter, "I'm not going anywhere," she rubbed her back and Eleanor relaxed, "I'm sorry."

Adrienne was in tears, "I told you."

Serena walked over to the CD player and played the song _These Are The Days – Van Morrison_, "It's nothing to be scared of, the storm," Serena said to her daughter and she walked around the lounge, "It's just nature."

"She's talking to her," James said as he listened through the wall.

Serena walked to the window, "See it's only rain," Serena said and Eleanor smiled, she placed her chin on her daughter's head, Eleanor touched a bracelet, "Do you want to see?" She took of her bracelet and held in front of her daughter, "This is the song I played when I first bought you home… you're probably not even listening to me or understand a word I'm saying but," Serena put her in the rocking position and sat down on the chair, "Sometimes life doesn't pan out the way you want it," Eleanor looked at her mother her big eyes, "And you will get into trouble," she held one of her tiny fingers, "But rest assured as long as I'm alive it'll have to take someone very, very brave to mess with you."

Eleanor reached up her hand touched her mother's face band Serena smiled at her and held the tiny hand, and took what she nearly lost. Serena stood up and watched as her daughter closed her eyes and relaxed her body became a dead weight, the song carried on playing.

Adrienne, Amelia and James were watching from the window crying of happiness, "Oh god," Amelia said drying her eyes, "That got me going."

"Told you she'd come to her senses," Adrienne said and she knocked on the door. Serena stood up and answered it and allowed the three in. Telling them to be quiet.

"Hello," Serena said to her mother and two colleagues, "I think I owe you three a thank you… but you witnessed a rare occasion."

"Of course," James said, "We can go if you want."

"Yes could you?" Serena said and they walked out, "Rest assured they're good at make do Psychiatrics."

Serena turned the song up a bit more and kept on walking around taking iin the lyrics.

_These are the days now that we must savour__  
__And we must enjoy as we can__  
__These are the days that will last forever__  
__and you've got to hold them, in your heart_

Serena stood still saving in every second because she felt guilty for nearly abandoning her daughter, but she knew she'd always have James, Amelia and her mother to thank for making her see sense.

As the song died away Serena sat on the chair and sighed... never again would Ed make her act so weird again

Seventeen Years Later

Serena and Ric were sat in their office, "Would you mind if I turned on the radio?" Ric asked.

"Go ahead," Serena said whilst checking emails, when Ric turned on the radio the song came on.

_These are the days of the endless summer__  
__These are the days, the time is now__  
__There is no past, there's only future__  
__There's only here, there's only now_

Serena took her head up from the iPad, "Ric can you turn that up please?" Serena asked and Ric turned the knob.

"Any reason?" Ric asked curiously.

"No I just like the song," Serena lied and she went back to that time seventeen years ago, "Thank you mother."

"What?" Ric asked.

"Sorry?" Serena shook her head.

"You said thank you mother," Ric answered.

"Oh I was thinking out loud," Serena twiddled with the iPad stylus, "Sorry."

Ric shook his head he would never understand Serena – she could be cold, sarcastic and mean but other times she could show a side to her that he thinks is very rare it's a soft side.

Both were oblvious the song was loud enough to hear outside, "Who would've thought they liked Van Morrison?" Harry said.

_These are the days now that we must savour__  
__And we must enjoy as we can__  
__These are the days that will last forever__  
__and you've got to hold them, in your heart_

"Coffee?" Ric asked.

"No thank you," Serena replied and she carried on listening to the song before it ended, "Shame it had to end."

"Van Morrison fan?" Ric quizzed.

"No it's just a nice song," Serena said, "Why?" she said whilst lowering an eyebrow.

"You don't strike me as the soppy music type of woman," Ric said honestly.

"If you really want to know… it reminds me of a moment I shared with my daughter seventeen years ago," Serena stood up, "So it reminds me of the days where she was small and needy."

"Ah empty nest syndrome?" Ric asked and he stood up, "Nothing to be ashamed of."

"It's not empty nest syndrome… she's still at home but it's something you wouldn't understand," Serena sat down again and Ric sighed.

"Am I seeing a different side to Serena Campbell?" Ric asked, "Is this another rare occasion?"

"Yes," Serena replied and she looked at the bracelet, "Very rare… I'm not usually like this."

"Care to explain?" Ric was worried now she didn't seem herself, "I won't tell anyone."

Serena stood up and walked to the door, "This doesn't go no further than these four walls ok?"

"Of course," Ric said, "What's wrong?"

"After… after Edward left…." Serena started and she sighed, "I… came this close to abandoning Eleanor."

"What?" Ric asked, "Why?"

"I was depressed, upset, wasn't thinking straight so I left her with my mother a lot… one day two of my colleagues and my mother decided enough was enough… so after my mum babysat her they left downstairs," Serena looked down, "And I completely blanked her until…. A thunderstorm broke out and she was terrified, I tried to drown her cries out by turning up the television but my brain wouldn't let me," she looked up, "I came to my senses and promised her that someone very, very, very brave would have to try and mess with her. I turned on the song and since then when I hear it I go back to that day and I have my mother to thank."

Ric didn't know what to say he took off his glasses, "Eleanor's lucky to have you," Ric said, "And I hope she knows that."

"Like all mothers and daughters we argue," Serena said, "But I can't help but see that little girl still."

"You will," Ric said, "I promise what you told me won't go any further."

"Please say nothing," Serena looked at Ric, "It's a moment in my life that is… I don't know actually."

"Special?" Ric suggested.

Serena nodded, "Thank you," Serena said, "I appreciate at it."

"Don't let Edward ruin you," Ric put his glasses back on, "You're too good."

"He ruined me a long time ago," Serena said, "But I don't let people see it."

"Please don't let him ruin you," Ric opened the door, "I fear we may lose Jac Naylor."

"Oh no you won't," Serena said, "If anything it'll make her fiercely protective and more determined to do well."

"Everything ok?" Edward asked and Serena looked at Ric.

"Everything is just fine," Serena said and she walked off and smiled, "Just fine," she whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: No idea where this came from but it's another Serena and Eleanor thing from just after Edward left.**

Serena was sat on the sofa and Eleanor was sat up on the arm rest, "_When will you pay me? Say the bells of Old Bailey," _Serena sang to her daughter who was playing with one of her toys, Serena poked her tummy, _"When I grow rich, say the bells of Shoredich," _Serena sang to Eleanor again and Eleanor moved the toy up and down, _"When will that be? Say the bells of Stepney," _Serena took the toy away and pulled Eleanor onto her lap, _"I'm sure I don't know, Says the great bell at Bow," _Serena then softened and whispered, _"Here comes a candle to light you to bed, here comes a chopper to chop off daddy's head," _Serena knew it wasn't good to say that in front of her daughter, but she couldn't help it, "And let it be known…men are worthless."

"Dog," Eleanor pointed to her plush dog and Serena rolled her eyes and reached over.

"Did you listen to a word I said misses?" Serena asked playfully and Eleanor took the dog in her hands studying it, "Obviously not…you'll thank me later," Serena picked Eleanor up and placed her on her hip, "Especially when they're breaking your heart…but you're a bit young for that," Serena put Eleanor into her highchair, "We'll talk about the male species when you're a bit older…because right now you're more interested in my necklace," Serena looked down to find Eleanor biting her necklace, "Which young lady is special," she slowly removed it from her daughter's mouth making sure not to hurt her and she tucked into her jumper, "If you feel like biting something I'll find you a top of daddy's," Eleanor leant forward the back off the highchair coming forward, "What?" Serena then noticed Eleanor was reaching for the toy her dad got her, "Oh," Serena walked around the table and gave it to Eleanor, "You miss him don't you?" she asked her daughter who could only string a few words together.

"Dada," she said to the toy ladybug, "Dada," Serena knew keeping her away from Edward was not the answer, it was out of hate and spite what Serena was doing and she knew it was breaking her daughter's heart.

"OK," Serena said to her one year old, "Daddy loves you more than anything in the world," Serena stroked her daughter's cheek, "Just he didn't love Mummy…which is why he's not here."

"Dada," Eleanor repeated and Serena lifted her out of the highchair and walked around.

"I'll ring daddy soon," Serena sat on the sofa, "Your Granny said to not make you suffer…and I've done exactly the opposite," Eleanor grabbed her mum's necklace again, "Go on then…but if I see a dent I'll remind you of it later in your life," Eleanor continued to looked at the necklace then reached over for the dog, "Right then misses," Serena jiggled Eleanor on her lap, "It's bath, tea and bed for you."

Serena put Eleanor into her playpen and then went upstairs to run the bath as she put the plug into the plug hole, then as the water ran into the bathroom she sat on the edge of the bathtub and poured in _Johnson's Baby Night Time Bath_ into the tub and watched as the bubbles formed. As she watched and made sure she put on cold water as well as hot she thought about Edward, how could he leave his child? She pined for him yet he hadn't phoned in a while to see how she was; this something Serena feared her blocking him out had made him stop. This was their problem not Eleanor's he could make her life hell, but to make his own daughter suffer was cruel then she thought…she had been doing the exact same thing. Both were making Eleanor suffer, both were being as bad as one another. Serena stopped the bath and went downstairs, "Come on then," Serena lifted Eleanor up and took her upstairs, she laid her onto the pink spotty changing mat then undressed her, she threw the nappy into the bin then put Eleanor into the bath, "Don't give me any trouble with hair washing tonight," Serena said seriously, Eleanor placed her hands on her head protecting herself from the terrible shampoo that will soon be on her head, "I mean it misses," Serena removed Eleanor's hands from her head which made her cry, "Ah no crying…else they'll be trouble."

"No," she leant away as Serena tried to put shampoo on, "Noooo."

"Eleanor," Serena said sounding impatient and sighed, "Please I'm not in the mood."

"Nooooo," Eleanor whined again she cried just realising how strict her mother sounded, even at one she picked up different tones.

Serena then softened and realised how calm she had to make bedtimes, shouting was not going to make Eleanor relaxed more likely to make her overtired, "OK…listen to this:

_Rub-a-dub-dub,__  
__Three doctors in a tub,__  
__And how do you think they got there?__  
__The surgeon named James, the Junior named Amelia and the anaesthetist named George.__  
__They all jumped out of a rotten potato,__  
__'Twas enough to make Serena stare_

Serena had distracted her daughter and then washed the shampoo away, "All gone," Serena said high pitched, "See all gone."

"Gone," Eleanor repeated grabbing the bubbles in her hands which dissolved in seconds, "Gone," Eleanor repeated again.

"Yes," Serena laughed and then allowed Eleanor to play for a few minutes, she got the hooded towel ready. So whilst Eleanor played Serena went and got Eleanor's pyjamas out of the draw she chose a bright pink fish sleep suit, then she went to the pink box and got out a Pampers Baby Dry.

Serena laid Eleanor down onto her bed and dried her off; she put on Eleanor's nappy and then got her into the bright pink sleeper suit, "Tea time then bed time."

After a battle of a suddenly fusser eater, Serena had tried everything from eating it herself to trying about five different food choices. Serena put it down to Eleanor being unsettled and pining courtesy of her useless father and now Eleanor was finally eating; a fruit salad that combined of raspberries, strawberries, bananas and apple slices. Something Serena was going to regret later because that amount of fruit in a baby's system not good for the digestive system, "You are being very fussy tonight," Serena scolded Eleanor not really harsh but enough to show her frustrations, "Hey what's making you so fussy?"

Eleanor pushed her plate away and sat back, "All done."

"I'm going to regret this in the morning," Serena lifted Eleanor out of the highchair, "Bed time," she poked her nose.

Serena entered Eleanor's bedroom and sat in the rocking chair, she rocked back and forth; until Eleanor's eyes closed, "Long day," Serena whispered she then slowly stood up and put Eleanor into her cot, she tensed up but then relaxed.

Back downstairs Serena sat on the sofa and curled her legs up, she had tried ringing Edward but each time it went straight to answer phone, so she then tried James who she knew Edward told everything to.

"Hey Serena," James said as he sat forward, "Everything OK?"

"Edward hasn't contacted you has he? I can't get hold of him," Serena answered.

"I thought he would've told you," James rubbed his neck, "He's gone away…Cape Town I think. He said he was going to tell you."

"What?" Serena asked shocked, annoyed and wanted to scream, "Do you have any idea how unsettled Eleanor has been? And he decides to leave…well thanks for telling me James. Cheers!" and with that she slammed the phone down and grabbed her hair in frustration. So Edward had gone away to another country without telling her, did he realise how this would affect his daughter? No he didn't…so with that note Serena nearly poured herself a glass of wine; but not long after putting Eleanor to sleep she was awake, the baby monitor flashed and the cries came through it. Serena got up and walked upstairs to find her daughter stood up rattling the sides of her cot, "Hey, hey, hey," Serena rushed over and picked her up, "What's wrong?" Eleanor wrapped gripped her mother's sleeves, "Hey what's wrong?" Serena rubbed her back and then sat back down, "Is your tummy hurting?" Serena asked wondering if that was it. Eleanor gripped harder and nestled her head into her mother's chest, "If you weren't so fussy you wouldn't be in pain," Serena then stood up and walked around, "Ellie please," Serena placed her hand to her forehead as she tried to calm her crying daughter, "Tell me," Serena walked around trying to calm Eleanor, "Indicate or anything like that."

After about an hour of trying to get Eleanor back to sleep, Serena gave in and allowed Eleanor to sleep with her. Though she knew it was probably the wrong thing to do it could be worse, Serena was bad sleep deprived and Eleanor was always grizzly when she hardly had any sleep. So Serena who's bed was by the wall she put Eleanor on the wall side and Serena slept on the left side, "Don't think I'm making a habit of this misses…if it gets you to sleep and myself anything will do," Serena watched as Eleanor's eyes closed and her breathing became heavy, "Night darling."

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed realised I hadn't updated this in a while haha xxxx**


	3. Chapter 3

Edward had been away from the UK for two months now; it was now a chilly November and Serena was at St George's, Eleanor was with her mother and grateful for her mother's help as since Edward had done the dirty, left and took off to Cape Town it was just her. Serena was sat in her office and was holding a toy that Eleanor had dropped into her bag, luckily it was one she could do without for a few hours. She looked out the window to find the November snow beginning to fall, slowly drifting from the snow cloud filled sky, she had a hot mug of hot chocolate next to her and a chocolate bar that she was trying to avoid eating. Serena was in her own thoughts until a loud knock on her office door startled her, "Come in," Serena commanded she turned on her swivel chair and in entered George.

George looked worried and apprehensive, "Eleanor's in the ED…she's been vomiting, has a temperature of forty-point one, she's had diarrhoea, has a rash," Serena's eyes grew and she dashed for the door, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No," Serena sounded very worried and as she walked down the ward.

"Ms Campbell-"

"Not now Nurse ask James or Jenna please," Serena rushed down to the ED department the sun was setting and the snow falling was melting onto her bare arms.

"Serena," Matthew the Paediatric Consultant rushed over to her. Serena immediately stood in front of him and quizzed him.

"Have you checked her SATs, temperature and blood sugars, LFTs, Us and Es?" Serena asked the young doctor with a cute face and brown eyes, "Well?!" she demanded off the doctor.

"We're trying to rule out any bacterial infection so just keep calm OK," Matthew said calmly, "She's in the best place."

Serena dried her wet cheeks and rushed to her mother, "What happened?" she asked almost accusingly, Adrienne didn't answer quick enough and with a medical brain Serena was losing patience, "Well?!"

"She suddenly started vomiting and has had diarrhoea she was really hot and had a rash on her tummy I just panicked," Adrienne explained and Serena tensed up, "So I brought her here…I'm so sorry Serena."

"First thing Serena this is not your mother's fault," Matthew defended the near tears grandmother, "OK it could be anything…we need to keep her fluids up so we need to put a cannula in she'll be distressed so she would benefit-" Matthew was cut off.

"Yes I'll come," Serena rushed over to her crying baby daughter, "Get it right first time," Serena said angrily to the nurse, who looked in her late twenties, "OK you're being so brave," she held Eleanor's tiny hand and she began to squirm and cry as the cannula went in, "Shh, shh, shh it's OK…you're being so brave," everyone was shocked by her sudden maternal tone, Eleanor continued to scream and clenched her hands and pulled in her legs, "All done."

Serena got told to stand aside whilst they got Eleanor settled, "Oh god," Serena cupped her hands on around her mouth, "I knew something was wrong this morning….but no I went and pawned her off with my mum," Serena sounded distressed and against Serena's wishes George came in.

"I know you said no but-"

"It's fine," Serena leant back against the wall and folded her arms, "I should've stayed home I knew something was wrong."

"Hey it's not your fault," George said calmly, "OK it's not your fault…these things happen, it could just be a bug going round."

"Or something I picked up here carried it home and passed it onto Eleanor," Serena subconsciously leant her head on George's upper arm and bit at her nails.

"If she's anything like her mum she'll be fine," George comforted his distressed friend, "OK."

Matthew left the room to chase up the test results. Eleanor was being pumped with fluids and having her temperature controlled, "Look at her," Serena said to George she observed her infant daughter, two IV lines one to control her blood sugar and the other to keep her fluids up, "I know I see this everyday but it's…I don't know."

"Serena you're not much help right now…let's stand outside," George suggested, "OK you're distressing yourself…Ellie's calm."

Serena and George walked out and Adrienne stood up, "Have they figured out anything?" Adrienne asked.

"Matt. the Paediatric doctor wants to rule out bacterial infection," Serena sat on one of the turquoise colour leather chairs, "They've ruled out meningitis… so it could be a simple thing like gastroenteritis, I have absolutely no idea!" Serena stood up and hit the wall James and Amelia came rushing down.

"We just heard is Ellie alright?" Amelia asked.

"Waiting on a diagnosis," Serena answered, "But because I can't treat her I can't know until they get them back," Serena then saw Matthew rushing back, "Oh finally took your time," Serena walked into the side room with Matthew, "So?" Serena waited for the result.

"Nasty case of Gastroenteritis Rotavirus to be precise, I want to keep her in for the night just so we can keep an eye on her but she should be able to go home tomorrow. OK she'll be fine," Matthew smiled at Serena, "You can go over now," Matthew stepped aside and Serena rushed over Eleanor was laid down with her teddy and had her dummy in.

Serena picked her up and held her tight, she couldn't help but cry she thought she lost her; all the worst case scenarios flew through her head her medical judgement was clouded she sat on the bed and held her tighter.

Matthew said it was fine for them to go in, "Adrienne you go she's your granddaughter," Amelia saw that Adrienne was signalling for them.

"OK," Adrienne smiled and stood up and walked in, "Hey you heard the doctor," Adrienne saw her daughter crying, "She's going to be fine."

"I thought I lost her," Serena cried and Adrienne rubbed her daughter's back, "Oh god," Serena kissed Eleanor's head, "Thank you for bringing her in," Serena composed herself, "I knew something was wrong this morning…I just said to myself not to worry…what if it had been something serious?" Serena looked at her mother her brown eyes were full with unshed tears, the thought made her bring Eleanor even closer into her, "I should've stayed at home with her."

"We can take her to a Paediatric ward now she'll be more comfortable there," Matthew said and Serena stood up and Matthew walked over to the take IV lines out, as he did Eleanor cried and Serena soothed her after taking the IV lines, Matthew looks up and saw Serena's face she looked guilty and scared, "Don't blame yourself Serena…we all know things haven't been easy."

"Would you say finding your 'husband'," Serena spat husband sarcastically, "With a blonde whore easy?" Serena asked.

"Language," Adrienne scolded she didn't like swearing as well as that, it was never good to swear in front of an infant.

"Sorry," Serena then walked out and James and Amelia ran over, "Rotavirus they want to keep Eleanor in for the night."

"Don't even think about blaming yourself," James saw the guilty look in her eyes and Serena internally cursed James and his vigilance, "OK these things happen," he tapped Eleanor's nose, "It's not uncommon for babies her age to get the virus Serena…you should know that."

"I know but you're a parent...and if I remember rightly when Ava got the virus you and Jenna blamed yourselves," Serena reminded James and James tilted his head side to side, "Exactly," Serena then walked to the paediatric ward with her mother and her daughter's god parents well three of them; Eleanor was lucky to have four as herself and Edward couldn't decide between James or George so they chose two godfathers and they couldn't chose between Jenna and Amelia so they chose two godmothers.

When Serena entered the paediatric ward it was very noisy and it was the least place she wanted to be, but it was a lot nicer than the A&E they were at previously, "Here you go," the nurse who had long black hair and blue eyes guided Serena to the baby ward, "I'll go and get Doctor Charmer," The nurse walked out to find Matthew.

Serena laid Eleanor down in the large white cot the room had giraffes, lions, tigers and elephants painted around, "There we go," Serena lifted up the safety bar and gave Eleanor back her teddy.

"Do you want me to run back to yours to get her bottle, spare change of clothes and other things?" Adrienne asked.

"Yes please could you…make sure you get her light pyjamas though I need to bring down her temperature," Serena turned around, "But also get a sleeper suit as well please. Oh and also any day clothes will do but make sure you bring a baby grow."

"Anything else?" Adrienne asked.

"Yeah can you bring me some pyjamas, toothbrush, spare clothes preferably my lazy day clothes but also work clothes; black trousers, blouse, also could you bring my slippers?" Serena took a deep breath as she ran out, "That's all…thank you," Serena smiled lightly after Adrienne went to get the stuff, James, George and Amelia walked in, "Hi."

"Jenna will pop round in a bit," James explained and he sat down, "Sent your mother with a right list," James laughed.

"Want me to get some milk?" Amelia offered, "The shops not far…full fat right?"

"Yes please can I pay you back?" Serena asked.

"It's for Ellie you don't need to pay me back," Amelia walked out and made her way to the hospital shop.

"How she doing?" George asked and he looked at Eleanor, "She's got a bit of colour back."

"Their keeping her in for the night to ensure she's not got anything else," Serena explained and she looked out the window the snow had stopped, it was now pitch black, Eleanor was still wide awake and normally Serena would've had Eleanor in bed by now, the change in routine was unsettling for the one year old, Matthew walked in to put a IV line in but Eleanor was being very fussy and squirming around.

"Serena can you hold her?" Matthew asked and Serena picked her up and Eleanor screamed and cried as Matthew put the cannula in, "OK you're being very brave."

"She's just confused," Serena explained and she rubbed Eleanor's back, "Usually she's in bed by now…it's just the change in routine. Shh," Serena rubbed her back again, "I know you don't like it."

"Don't know what you were worried about when you said, I quote: "What if I'm a terrible mother and I do a bad job?" you're an amazing mum Serena," George said and Serena smiled and then Eleanor vomited down her back, "Oh dear," George cough-laughed.

"Don't just stand there can you get me a cloth?" Serena asked the two men in the room who were trying not to laugh, "Hurry up!" James pulled two paper towels out from the dispenser and gave them to Serena, Serena wiped Eleanor's face and then took off her cardigan, "Thank you my darling," Serena said to her daughter who began to make a face, "Don't even think about it," Serena knew what was coming, "James take her I need to ask the nurse for a spare nappy."

"Thanks," James held Eleanor at arm's length who began to cry, "No, no, no."

"Don't tell me you held Ava like that?" George asked and he shook his head, "She's got the Rotavirus don't hold her like a bomb's about to go off."

James pulled her into him and sat down, "I know it's not nice is it? You mummy won't be long now."

Serena returned and took Eleanor off James, "Thanks…right you let's get you cleaned up," Serena placed Eleanor onto the changing mat, "You two can go for this," Serena said to the men who didn't know what to do, so they left, Serena shook her head, "As soon as Amelia and your Granny return we can get you to bed."

After cleaning Eleanor up Serena put her back into her pink baby grow and then laid her back into her crib. Eleanor kicked her legs and played with some of the toys that the hospital had provided. James, George, Amelia and Adrienne walked back in.

"You look freezing," Serena said to her mother who gave her the two bags, "Thank you."

"She's wide awake," Amelia observed Eleanor who's eyes were sparkly and "Sure you'll be able to get her off to sleep?" Amelia asked and she gave Serena the pint of milk, "I didn't know whether to get the half pint or pint…so I got the pint."

"Thanks," Serena then opened up the changing bag and pulled out a pair of white pyjamas with Whinnie The Pooh running away from bees on the front of the top, and then pulled the 6oz bottle out of the bottle holder, "What's the weather like outside?" Serena asked curiously and she filled it with milk.

"It's definitely winter that's all I can say," Adrienne answered and she took her coat off, "I'm glad I bought her in when I did."

"We're going to get off…do you want me to email Edward?" James asked but he thought that he already knew the answer.

"He hasn't bothered to contact for two months so no I'll tell him when he gets back," Serena wanted to make Edward feel hurt and let down; exactly what she had felt.

"OK," The trio left and it just left Serena, Adrienne and Eleanor.

Eleanor was still kicking and looked up at her mother as she leant down to pick her up. Serena lifted Eleanor out of her crib and put her into the pyjamas, "She'll still be unwell for a few days so I'm going to take some time off work," Serena laid Eleanor in her arms and Eleanor sucked on the bottle.

"Good idea," Adrienne agreed, "You're doing just fine without Edward…though don't cut him out of Eleanor's life…I understand right now because he's gone away without telling you. Just don't let her suffer."

Serena waited for Eleanor to fall asleep and then put her back in her cot, Serena got changed into pyjamas and Adrienne said goodbye leaving Serena to sleep on the inflatable mattress the hospital provided for her. This just left Serena to her thoughts about what went wrong.

**A/N: Another random chapter I'm enjoying writing these haha xxx**


	4. Ripping At The Seams Part One

Edward returned a month later it was now December Serena was sat on her sofa, she had just put Eleanor down for a nap and now it was now just after one in the afternoon and Serena's day off was going well, until the phone rang.

"Hello?" Serena asked the caller.

"Hey it's Edward I'm back from South Africa how's things?" Edward asked and he did not expect what happened next.

"Oh so you're finally back then? Pity Eleanor was just getting used to life without you," Serena twiddled with her hair and she heard Edward sigh down the phone.

"Yes I should've told you but we had that row and then I didn't-"

"No excuses Edward you left for two months not a word to me…I bet you made time to call it," Serena spat.

"Look can I come round and see Eleanor?" Edward asked hopeful.

"You think you can just come round and see her after two months with no contact?!" Serena shouted, "Oh you have some nerve."

"Please Serena just for ten minutes? Then I'll go," Edward practically begged.

"She's napping but I can wake her…as long as you come now," Serena put down the phone leaving Edward to do as she commanded.

Ten minutes later Edward knocked on the door and Serena walked down with a groggy daughter who wasn't too pleased about being woken up, Eleanor had her head resting on her mother's shoulder and was twirling with her hair sleepily suckling on her pink and white dummy.

"I could've popped round a bit later," Edward said and Serena stepped aside, "Hello my jelly baby," Edward held his arms out and Serena reluctantly gave Eleanor to Edward, "Look how big you've got."

"Does happen," Serena commented, "Ten minutes that's all…I've got stuff to do and I want to have Eleanor asleep whilst I work."

"I can always take her for a bit?" Edward suggested hopefully, "Saves you getting up every time she cries," Edward placed Eleanor his hip.

Serena laughed sarcastically, "No thank you not whilst that thing is there," Serena eyed her mountain of paperwork, "Look just ten minutes OK."

"Your call," Edward shrugged and then sat on the empty chair and put Eleanor on his lap, "I can always put her to sleep?"

"Yes could you actually?" Serena asked, "That way you'll be out of my hair and she'll be able to sleep in peace."

Edward said nothing and took himself and his daughter upstairs, he walked into the nursery that was decorated white with a strip of Whinnie The Pooh wallpaper running along the middle, as well as that her cot was Whinnie The Pooh based, as well as the changing table, toy box and rug was Whinnie The Pooh, "I think your mummy likes Whinnie The Pooh," Edward joked and Eleanor leant her head on his shoulder, "Don't think I'll have much trouble getting you off to sleep."

Downstairs Serena felt uncomfortable; not that she didn't trust Edward with their daughter she just felt uncomfortable so she abandoned her paperwork and walked upstairs. Then walked into the nursery where Edward had closed the blinds and curtains, turned on the night light that exploded stars on the ceiling and was just about to put Eleanor in the cot, "You always had the touch," Serena said by accident. Edward put Eleanor in the crib and she tensed up a bit then relaxed, Edward put the safety bar up and clicked it shut then turned to Serena who was stood in the doorway.

"No I just know how to do these things," Edward shrugged and Serena rolled her eyes, "I would've told you it's just," Edward rubbed his neck, "After the row I guess I wanted to be spiteful."

"Yes well you can be spiteful to me just don't ever…ever do that to Eleanor again!" Serena warned Edward and Edward nodded ashamed, "My turn to come clean…Eleanor was rushed to the ED department about a month ago, she picked up Rotavirus."

"Was she OK?" Edward asked frantic.

"Well she had to stay in overnight," the ex couple walked down the stairs, "Other than that she's fine…just don't ever do that to Eleanor again."

"Look it's like I said we had that row," Edward argued and Serena looked fuming.

"That still does not make up for two months going AWOL and then coming here thinking that I'll be fine and dandy!" Serena yelled.

"You allowed me to come!" Edward argued back.

"Yes because you wanted to see Eleanor look you may want to up and leave whenever you want…but just remember Edward you have a daughter," Serena argued and Edward breathed in.

"Fuck you Serena!" Edward shouted, "You're the one being spiteful-"

"ME!" Serena screamed, "You're the one who shagged a whore, broke my heart, abandoned your daughter and then took off to nearly the other side of the world. So don't you dare talk to me about being spiteful."

"You know what like I said fuck you…least I've tried least I'm trying to be a good dad, you keep pushing me away I won't bother," Edward shouted and Serena slapped him, Edward made a face and hit the wall, "You want to be horrible to me fair enough, but if you stop me seeing my daughter you'll be hearing from a solicitor. Like I said fuck you."

"Piss off Edward," Serena ordered and she felt her eyes watering up, "Just go!" She yelled then turned her face away. Edward left and drove away. Serena burst into tears and leant her head against the wall her and Edward had been yelling quite loud because Serena hadn't heard Eleanor's cries from upstairs, she dried her eyes and then walked upstairs. Eleanor was sat up in her cot crying obviously being woken up for the second time and she was not happy, her chubby cheeks were bright red and tear tracks and drawl was all over her face, her cries sounded like she was scared and when Serena entered they got a decibel louder and she held her arms up, "Oh dear," Serena walked around and rubbed her back, "Did we wake you up?" Serena asked and Eleanor carried on crying, "Calm down," Serena soothed, "Shhhh." Eleanor's cries went from being nearly ear drum bursting loud to small hiccups and eventually she calmed down, Serena reached down into the cot and picked the dummy up from the mattress cleaned the teat then put it back in Eleanor's mouth, "Sorry," Serena kissed the top of her head, "We shouldn't yell like that," Eleanor relaxed and cuddled into her mother, "Since I've been mean waking you up twice…I'm going to allow you to nap downstairs with mummy OK," Serena picked up Eleanor's teddy and blanket and walked downstairs. Serena laid Eleanor down in her arms and then watched as she fell asleep slowly Serena, placed the blanket over Eleanor and then pulled the bigger blanket off the top of the sofa and wrapped it around herself.

The house phone began to ring and Serena hesitated to pick it up, but then decided she was a big girl and picked it up, "Hello?"

"Hello it's George," George said and Serena rubbed her forehead, "I just had Edward on the phone I heard you two had an argument?"

"More than an argument," Serena whispered to make sure she didn't wake Eleanor, "But yes we had a disagreement is there any point to this phone call?"

"Are you and Eleanor OK?" George asked concerned, Serena wasn't normally a weak person but right now she was just so battered and bruised emotionally that her defences were coming down at the most awkward of times, "Serena?"

"I'm fine George, Eleanor's fine too I've got her with me right now she's asleep so can I call you back later?" Serena asked.

"Of course speak later," George put down the phone and then turned to James and Jenna at work, "Doesn't sound too good."

"Is this another case for the James, Jenna and George Mystery Inc?" James asked jokingly.

"No James she's really not OK…I think we need to go round," George turned on the swivel chair fully, "We'll go round after our shifts end."

"The man's my best friend but he can be a twit at times," James expressed his frustration by scrunching up paper, "Jenna do you want to come along later?"

"Does that question need answering?" Jenna asked.

Back at home Serena was in tears again a few dripped onto Eleanor's forehead and she squirmed a bit, but then relaxed again. Serena had no idea why she felt like this, it was like she was a heart broken teenager. Edward really knew how to get to her whether that be good or bad but either way she was not coping as well as, she made herself out to be. Eleanor was suffering with the heart break she was feeling and it worried Serena she always put up her barriers, and it was usually her friends who had to face the consequences of a defensive Serena but right now it was her friends and Eleanor, she kissed her daughter's head and reached over for the tissues and dried her eyes. How Edward got under her skin and how much she hated it, she wanted him she still loved him but at the same time she hated him. It was confusing and she couldn't work out her emotions she slowly buried her head in a pillow and waited for sleep to overpower her.

Serena woke up to the movement of her daughter and her giggles, then she felt two warm small hands on her face, "Someone's awake," Serena said to Eleanor who moved her hands to her mother's eyes, "Ouch," Serena sat up and pulled Eleanor onto her lap she checked her watch it was almost three o'clock, "I think I'm going to need to tire you out tonight."

Eleanor slowly slid off her mother's lap and onto the floor and toddled over to her toy box she pulled out a story book then toddled back over and put it onto her mother's lap and looked up, "I said tire you out not send you back to sleep," Serena lifted Eleanor back onto her lap and then opened the book, "The Very Hungry Caterpillar," Serena read out, "OK but we're doing something productive after this because you are not going to sleep well tonight."

**A/N: Will carry on in another chapter where we'll find out if the trio can get Serena to open up, and also we see if Serena can get Eleanor off to sleep haha. Please review xxx**


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